


It's A Bittersweet Feeling

by Merrywetherweather



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Class Differences, F/F, Feelings, Ghosts, Hemospectrum, Paradox Space, Privilege, Sadstuck, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, arafef - Freeform, im sorry, just a lot of stuff i wanted to see get fleshed out between these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 02:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10504935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrywetherweather/pseuds/Merrywetherweather
Summary: The dream bubbles are breaking, the universe is falling apart at the seams, and everything is going exactly as you'd like it to... Except she's still down there, alone and ready to face oblivion, and you don't think you want her to go.





	

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry. i dont usually write for this ship. matter of fact, i dont even know if i ship it??? i was just like "hey, you know what would be a good idea to make myself and everybody else sad??" and that's how this drabble came to be even though i have like a shit ton of davekat fics i should be working on.

They’re screaming. Far below, you can hear them. The ghosts of friends, enemies, and individuals who were sometimes both at once, frantically trying to flee from the pocket of void ripping its way across the space above the dream bubbles.

It’s chaos. Absolute fucking chaos.

And you love it.

Between thrilled fits of laughter, you wonder if there’s something wrong with you. You’d met your dancestor and, honestly, you noted the resemblance. Not in the appearance. It goes much deeper than that. Not even in the blood, although, that might have something to do with it. You’re both a bit unhinged, finding pleasure in destruction. But you can see her now, down below, many of her, in fact, running alongside the rest of the screaming ghosts. _She’s_ probably not screaming you think. Maybe cursing under her breath. You wouldn’t scream. But you’re also different from her in all sorts of ways. Being god tier and alive are two. But being able to fully realize your goals of mass destruction is by far the most important and distinguishing difference.

Your eyes stop flitting across the retreating army and snag on something still. One immovable ant calmly facing the storm. Her hair, long and black, sweeps around her. But it couldn’t be Vriska. You had seen her disappear after using the ultimate weapon and she hasn’t made an appearance since.

You also decided you were allowed to be a little happy about that.

It’s only when a flash of green and blue billows out from under the full head of hair that you recognize her. “Feferi?”

You descend, wings easily fighting the tug of the void to get to the ground. It’s quieter where she is, sitting on a rock and holding her side. She’s wounded, thick fuchsia blood pouring over her hand. The sight of it sends little tingles up your spine. To see the heiress’ blood spill! Her eyes are glassy when she spots you, but when she smiles it doesn’t reach fin to fin like you remember it used to. “Hey, Aradia.”

You sit cross-legged two feet away from her. “Shouldn’t that be A-rod-ia?” You give her a sheepish grin and pretend to reel in a fish. She does little more than chuckle. There’s silence between you and everywhere else there’s wind.  “Aren’t you going to run away?” You probe her, your curiosity finally getting the better of you, “You’re a ghost so that shouldn’t hinder you too much, right?” You gesture to her injury.

She sighs shakily. “Do you want me to run away?”

The grin leaves your face. You weren’t really expecting her to answer your question with a question. “In all honesty,” She waits, and you think she knows the answer so you let it slip out, unfiltered, “sort of.”

“I saw you up there, laughing at everybody.” You begin to open your mouth, perhaps to justify your actions. But she catches you by surprise, “You finally seem happy now.” Her smile is genuine.

You weren’t really expecting that. “Are _you_ happy?” Didn’t really expect that from yourself either.

She ponders, “That’s a tough question to answer. At the moment? Not especially. I’m just sort of… content.”

You sit there, staring up into her face. Her goggles are turned down in a way that won’t let you see her eyes. Even if there’s nothing to make contact with, you’d still like to hold this conversation meeting them.

“You know, it seems kind of silly to stop and talk to one Feferi of what might be a million.”

“You’re my Feferi.” A little maroon seeps into your cheeks. “Or, at least, my _timeline’s_ Feferi. I can tell.”

“Perks of being a maid of time?”

You shrug. “Yeah, I guess.”

Her next words come at you breathy and short, “I’m sorry.”

Your eyebrows knit together. “What? Why?”

She looks up and her eyes are as blank as every other ghost out there, but a translucent film of her tears is lining the bottom of her goggles. “Because I didn’t know what you were going through when I was alive. I know I kept saying I wanted to grow up, take hold of the throne, and make a change, but I didn’t even notice the little things happening right in front of me. The way Vriska bullied you. The way Equius was manipulating your feelings in that robot body he made. I know I talked a lot about not believing in the hemospectrum but it’s an easy thing to say when you’re at the top. I know the apology is a little late, but I didn’t even notice how differently I perceived the world until I merged with Nepeta. I never even considered some of my friends would be treating each other so horribly.”

You’re stunned. Absolutely floored that she had picked up on your distain for the higher class like that. Outwardly, you thought you seemed indifferent if not slightly annoyed. Apparently, your outer demeaner hadn’t been fooling Feferi.

“And the worst was Sollux and Eridan. I couldn’t even protect him for you.”

“That’s not your fault,” You stand up and find that you are moderately alarmed by your indignation. “You were a good moirail to him after I left. And none of those other things you listed were actually your responsibility.”

“But they were.” She lifted her goggles up and wiped away her tears. “Maybe not directly but-”

“Paradox space had a plan! Those things you listed, they were just a part of that!” Why were you defending her? Didn’t you want them to suffer? Shouldn’t they suffer?

“Even if it was predestined, I’m sorry. Paradox space shouldn’t shoulder all the blame. I have to be held accountable for some things too.” She smiled bashfully. “This was your revenge wasn’t it?” Her tone shifted, “I mean, it was going to happen one way or another, but you really wanted to be here for it, to see it happen.”

You take a deep breath, “Yes.”

“And is it everything you wanted it to be?”

“Yes.”

She closed her eyes, relieved. “That makes me immensely happy to hear.”

“But what are you going to do?”

Her eyes open and catch yours. Your own voice sounds worried and you catch yourself biting into your bottom lip. “I thought it was sort of obvious I was going to just sit here until the black hole swallowed me up. It’s no use running anyway. The ghosts here are just living off of borrowed time anyway.”

You take a few steps forward and sit down next to her, saddling up against her side. You wrap an arm around her waist and pull her close. She doesn’t flinch, but leans into your touch, resting her head on your shoulder. She isn’t bleeding anymore. “For what it’s worth, I believed you when you said you wanted to change our world.”

You hear her sniffle but you don’t have to look to know she’s probably crying again. “Thank you,” she croaks out. You stroke her hair.

“You know, I’ve been here a long time now and I’ve talked to a lot of people. I met one of the dead humans. I don’t remember her name, but she was a life player. She told me when she died she was able to revive herself and the her that got to live was able to remain in the alpha timeline. She was only a maid, not even a god tier. Feferi, you were a witch. You should have been much stronger… Why didn’t you revive yourself when Eridan killed you? Even if it was paradox space’s will, by SGRUB’s rules, as a life player, you should have been allowed an extra life.”

She answers you, again, with a question, “If you’re alive, why did you stay in the dream bubbles?”

You answer forthright, “It’s where I needed to be. I mean, I wanted to be here for this moment, but, undeniably, there was something that told me I was meant to be a guide to the dead.”

“Hmm,” She hums thoughtfully, “Well, I needed to stay dead. I needed to be here to ask the horrorterrors to make us the dream bubbles. I chose death.”

You nod, at ease with this answer.

She lets out a small laugh. “You know, it won’t be long now.”

You nod again.

“You said you acted like a guide for the dead. It really does feel like you’re my personal grim reaper right now, escorting me to the afterlife.”

“I’ll be here for you up until the very last second.”

You watch with mounting anticipation and dread as the ground before the two of you upends and flies into the void.

You feel a little foolish when you ask her, “Are you worried it will hurt?”

“No. I know it will hurt. But I’m not worried.”

You look at her and her eyes aren’t focused on the big black nothingness unraveling everything before her. They’re focused on you.

“Do you have any regrets?” Her lifespan was supposed to span across millennia. Of course she would have regrets! What kind of stupid question are you even asking her-

She steals a kiss, pushing her mouth against yours in a way that makes your heart leap into your throat. Her lips leave yours way too quickly. Her smile reaches fin to fin. “Not anemonemore.”

Seconds pass before she is pulled from your arms. You wrench away, your wings doing double time, as they fight against the pull of the blackhole. You get a considerable distance away before you dare to look back. It’s just an empty pocket where she once sat. You realize your hand is clenched around something and you look down.

A pair of pink and white tear-stained goggles rests in your palm.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. im just gonna go lie down now.


End file.
